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All reviews - Movies (1)

sad that the lowest rating I can give is 1 star

Posted : 9 years, 10 months ago on 18 March 2009 07:40 (A review of Watchmen)

"I know what John would say. Nothing ends. Nothing ever ends."

Just like this terrible movie.

Let's start with Rorschach. There was never a time he didn't sound like an emo teenager trying to write ~REALLY DEEP~ poetry about sex, drugs and rock and roll. He was probably one of those kids who thought he was the first person to think that people are savage.

There was a lot of smurf penis. I'm fine with nudity, but there's a point where it's just there to push the R rating. This was one of those times.

OF COURSE the movie had to have tons of crap about tachyons. No terrible science fiction-esque movie is complete without misusing them.

Nixon looked like a human caricature. I'm curious if the makeup artist quit halfway during production and they thought they could get away with Cyrano de Bergerac's prosthetic nose.

OF COURSE there was the super cliche "hitting the button during orgasm". OF COURSE there was the super cliche full moon in the background. OF COURSE it lasted way longer than necessary because they needed to clinch the R rating.

The acting was subpar. At best. This saddened me. I expected more from Patrick Wilson, considering how much I enjoyed his performance in Hard Candy.

Half the movie was slow and tedious. The other half was ridiculously tacky, like Adrian's lair on Antarctica and his pet white tiger with antlers.

If you see this movie, do yourself a favor and sneak alcohol in. Take a drink every time someone says something along the lines of, "what happened to us" or "we were supposed to save the world". Leave your car keys with a friend, you won't be in shape to drive by the time this crapfest is over.

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